Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
