I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
