I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she told me i tasted like america
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
