I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
