you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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