if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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