I wish I could punch you in the face.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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