Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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