You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
