fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
