I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
