hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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