i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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