I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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