it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
