Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My ass is underappreciated
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
