ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
