Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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