Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
