He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
