You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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