why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were trust falling into bushes
We need to get me chipped asap
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
