Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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