Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
