oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
