So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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