I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
