he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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