im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
