i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
