WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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