You can't motorboat a personality
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
