she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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