She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
