Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
