just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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