The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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