therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
