He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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