ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
