Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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