I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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