A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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