About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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