I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
