i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
