Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Four minutes until I can fart!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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