i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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