so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
