The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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