everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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