Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
