Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
40s are totally the cure
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
