Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
