worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
