capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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