worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize