yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize