My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
