So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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