omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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