Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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