u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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