You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
