xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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