If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
