Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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