you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I will be naked everywhere
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
