Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
