he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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