my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
