you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
