Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
