Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Boobs are out for the taking
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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