If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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