What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
