The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
